The Cost of Halloween

As everyone struggles to come up with a costume for Halloween, a few thoughts to consider: Last year, Americans spent $7.4 billion on costumes. Of that $3.2 billion was on costumes--$33.68 per person.

I spent over $100 in Hello Kitty stuff to perform in a local club's "Night of 100 Drag Queens" this week. It was an amazing experience (thank you Sidetrack) and they paid me back that amount as an unexpected surprise, but it's quite a sum. Should I shake my fist and cry "What are we doing?"

Ah, no.

I simply ask, what price joy?

Life has a movement in my eyes. As we cycle through our days on earth, we work, we ponder and we celebrate. We bond, we find commonalities, we create families. If we didn't have Halloween, we'd have some other celebration where we have an opportunity to physically manifest our inner selves. I certainly gave myself permission to burn through my paycheck.

And I had a ball.

Yours in excess,

Angel Bright

Becoming Bright

So here she is, Hello Kitty, as I debut in rehearsal last night as Angel Delusionae [delusion-ay] Bright, my drag persona. The intent is to capitalize on how I got into an indie movie with Margaret Cho that was filmed near Saugatuck, Mich., which is near Chicago. Long story short, "Alaska is a Drag" debuts next spring and in my mind, I had to do everything I could to try to promote myself as part of what could be a strong-performing motion picture--at least in the gay circuit.

While I've been developing a writing persona in the same vein called "Angel Bright," a friend of mine suggested another name based off of a conversation we had about having delusions of fame with this Margaret Cho movie. Believe me, I don't doubt my delusions, but I figure, can't hurt. Sheer luck put me on stage with Margaret Cho and while it would take a tremendous amount of cosmic alignment for me to achieve any amount of celebrity momentum from that one non-speaking appearance as a drag queen, it forced me to put on my best Kitty face and take the stage in a premiere drag show here in Chicago, Sidetrack's "Night of 100 Drag Queens." So here's to being fabulous in my own eyes.

Yours in delusion,

Angel Bright

Night of 100 Drag Queens

While it may seem like an odd thing to do, I signed up to perform in "Night of 100 Drag Queens," a pretty big drag showcase here in Chicago's Boystown strip. I have a couple of things to promote, one being an indie movie I happened to be in with Margaret Cho (due out next spring called "Alaska is a Drag") and the international Asians & Friends conference IFCON 2016, which will be in Chicago next Labor Day (www.ifcon2016.org).

It was a last-minute decision to toss my hat in the ring, and thankfully organizers had not reached their drag limit. (Sidetrack, 3349 N. Halsted, Chicago, Oct. 21-22, 2015. 7 p.m. start.) And after several days of considering my song, hunting for an outfit and creating and rehearsing choreography (not to mention lip syncing), I started to think about why I jumped into it in the first place.

While I've been a dancer for much of my youth and always dreamed of performing for a living, I've long since moved into my life as a business journalist. My financial stability is the fruit of my labor. It seems crazy at this point in my life to try to self promote myself as a performer, even though being in any movie with a major celebrity is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I suppose one never gives up whenever there's a flicker of excitement on the horizon. I mean, I've accepted my lot. I've enjoyed what steady employment provides and for me, it is fulfilling work. Still, it feels good to jump off a cliff every now and then.

Yours in Adventure,

Angel Bright

The Work of Content

One of my errands this weekend was to meet with a friend who is going to act in one of my upcoming GAM-TV webisodes. He had never acted before but because I lost an actor and needed him, he agreed to do it.

While going through line by line, I spoke to him about the intent behind the words. Little by little I saw him getting it. Light bulbs were going off. It was gratifying and fun.

I realized two hours had flown by. While driving home, I thought, when people see the finished product, they'll watch it, hopefully laugh or smile and then go on to some other online video on the Internet. They won't consider the time it takes to prepare, shoot and edit even a five-minute video. So much sweat, energy and expense goes into stuff they'll mentally consume in a matter of minutes or milliseconds.

Recently I was watching a movie filmed in Europe and I thought, gee, every person walking around in the background is a paid extra, someone whose attire was approved and who had to take off that day from work or is somehow self employed--and all in Europe. How expensive was that?

Content is work. Content is complex. None of this is easy.

Yours in complexity,

Angel Bright

Meeting a Female Bank Teller--with a Dick

Hello World:

I'm setting up shop--again, as I try to reshape my life to devote more time to this blog and its companion, GAM Express (about gay, Asian men and their forms of self-expression), please forgive my inconsistency, but know that my intentions are vital and sincere. I am picking up the pen once more to try again.

OK.

I met a wonderful female-identifying and visually female bank teller from Mississippi last night. She was a dear school chum of a good friend of mine visiting Chicago for the weekend. She still has a dick but showed off only her lovely butterfly high heels. Five of us partied at a local drag restaurant and lounge here in the city's Boystown area. She called herself a conservative person, having risen up the ranks at her bank into a supervisory position.

I immediately understood where she was coming from. While I was in a boho-chic drag number, I got the fact that her gender/sex/personal identity stood separate from her values, priorities and actions while on the job, or even on a personal level--politically, financially and socio-economically. None of that stuff has to jibe if it all comes from a thoughtfully grounded place. It's great to be so self-aware. I know I'd need a bit of introspection to get to that place myself.

But not all was roses and champagne in Mississippi. While she was pleased with the GLBT policies and internal mantras within her bank that allowed her to elevate professionally, she wasn't completely out. If many of the people she worked with knew of her gender reality, she felt they would probably disapprove, possibly ask for reassignment or walk. I got that too. I don't know if I would come out if I were in her butterfly shoes, but I do know we all pick our battles. If professional success is a challenge we all face, then we must act as our own generals, craft our own strategies and act deliberately.

As I develop this blog going forward, its mission will be to advocate for the financial success of gay, Asian men. We have many roadblocks, including self-hate and external stereotypes that keep us from assuming formidable positions within the workplace. One of our roadblocks is acceptance, both internally and among people who we conduct business with. We all struggle with this double-edged sword. In meeting my new bank teller friend (I'll assume it's the start of a potential friendship), I began to better imagine my own, soon-to-be-formulated professional life--one that starts with a complete stem-to-stern examination of who I am, inside and out. I'm considering this step because in meeting this new friend, I saw someone who was determined not to let who she was be her downfall. I saw someone interested in succeeding. But in order for her to do so, she had to settle up her own house, make it shine in her eyes and move forward with that.

Sincerely,

Angel Bright

(My new pen name for this blog and GAM Express, which focuses on how gay, Asian men express their spirits, their hearts and their souls.)

On Professionalism vs. Speaking Your Truth

As gay, Asian men, the balance between the image we project at work and the expression of our inner selves may often conflict. Just recently, I spent several hours constructing an aggressively tall Easter bonnet to enter a local contest at a gay bar here in Chicago. Here's a photo of me and my friend, fashion designer, Kevin Vong. Kevin took first place and I took a respectable third, considering the tough competition.

Now, some would consider this decision as a move that might compromise my professional life. While I'm a writer for a trade magazine, I'm not necessarily in the spotlight representing my company; nor am I in a leadership position. That being said, such overt displays of femininity may certainly compromise my ability to move into a leadership role going into the future.

My retort? I have none. I am openly gay at work, and in my mind, the bosses above me will have already judged me--either believing that it makes a difference or that it doesn't. In their gut, they're going to believe one thing or the other. You may disagree, but I don't think they're going to change any of their opinions if they see me in this outfit or not. If they feel negatively about a gay man in leadership, this photo will affirm their belief. If they don't, then they'll think, live and let live.

In this age of social media, I have to go back to my high school days to find something about me that wasn't overtly gay. So for me personally, I crossed that line decades ago.

So in terms of how much do I put out there regarding my own personal expression? What kind of a balancing act do I play with who I am and how I want to be perceived as at work? Well, apparently, I stand defiant in choosing my inner truth above all else.

Now, I'm not going to walk into work dressed like this--hell, I'm not going to walk into a gay bar dressed like this unless it's Easter or I'm just feeling pretty. And doing so wouldn't be speaking my truth either.

But I am through with any real pretense. This wasn't a half-ass hat. It took boning, stitching and a twisted eye. I'm proud of this, as I am proud of being an accomplished, award-winning writer and upbeat, supportive team player at work.

On Being Interesting: A Perspective on Tools to Network

You don’t have to be smart to be interesting.

There, I said it.

Trying to get ahead in the world is often a matter of connections. Who you know and what they’re willing to do for you are important tools to overall achievement.

But for many, networking causes anxiety. It’s labored, awkward and embarrassing. They look at others who seem natural at it. Those people are smooth, confident and articulate—always having some story to tell, something interesting to say.

Truth is, those people are probably smooth, confident and interesting. But that’s of no consequence. If the goal is to make more connections and be a better networker, then a really critical piece—in my humble opinion—is to be interesting.

So what’s the trick?

Well, I think there are several. But one of them is to read. Discover the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s a topic you’re already passionate about or if it’s something you think others will be interested in.

Find an article. Allow your eyes to fall on the words. Innate curiosity will let the real work happen. And soon, the ingredients of balsamic vinegar will reveal themselves, the mechanisms behind a pick-and-roll basketball play will no longer be a mystery or the wrangling behind how Paul McCartney, Kanye West and Rhianna got together to lay a track will be ready for retelling.

Having something to share is like pushing off the top of a waterslide. The information will gush out, propelling even the shiest of individuals to want to speak up.

And that information will reflect on the storyteller. More often than not, the message everyone around them will get is hey, this guy or gal is interesting.

***

Angel Abcede is a writer for a business trade publication and the president of the Chicago Chapter of Asians & Friends, a social organization supporting gay, Asian men and those interested in Asian cultures.