On Professionalism vs. Speaking Your Truth

As gay, Asian men, the balance between the image we project at work and the expression of our inner selves may often conflict. Just recently, I spent several hours constructing an aggressively tall Easter bonnet to enter a local contest at a gay bar here in Chicago. Here's a photo of me and my friend, fashion designer, Kevin Vong. Kevin took first place and I took a respectable third, considering the tough competition.

Now, some would consider this decision as a move that might compromise my professional life. While I'm a writer for a trade magazine, I'm not necessarily in the spotlight representing my company; nor am I in a leadership position. That being said, such overt displays of femininity may certainly compromise my ability to move into a leadership role going into the future.

My retort? I have none. I am openly gay at work, and in my mind, the bosses above me will have already judged me--either believing that it makes a difference or that it doesn't. In their gut, they're going to believe one thing or the other. You may disagree, but I don't think they're going to change any of their opinions if they see me in this outfit or not. If they feel negatively about a gay man in leadership, this photo will affirm their belief. If they don't, then they'll think, live and let live.

In this age of social media, I have to go back to my high school days to find something about me that wasn't overtly gay. So for me personally, I crossed that line decades ago.

So in terms of how much do I put out there regarding my own personal expression? What kind of a balancing act do I play with who I am and how I want to be perceived as at work? Well, apparently, I stand defiant in choosing my inner truth above all else.

Now, I'm not going to walk into work dressed like this--hell, I'm not going to walk into a gay bar dressed like this unless it's Easter or I'm just feeling pretty. And doing so wouldn't be speaking my truth either.

But I am through with any real pretense. This wasn't a half-ass hat. It took boning, stitching and a twisted eye. I'm proud of this, as I am proud of being an accomplished, award-winning writer and upbeat, supportive team player at work.

On Being Interesting: A Perspective on Tools to Network

You don’t have to be smart to be interesting.

There, I said it.

Trying to get ahead in the world is often a matter of connections. Who you know and what they’re willing to do for you are important tools to overall achievement.

But for many, networking causes anxiety. It’s labored, awkward and embarrassing. They look at others who seem natural at it. Those people are smooth, confident and articulate—always having some story to tell, something interesting to say.

Truth is, those people are probably smooth, confident and interesting. But that’s of no consequence. If the goal is to make more connections and be a better networker, then a really critical piece—in my humble opinion—is to be interesting.

So what’s the trick?

Well, I think there are several. But one of them is to read. Discover the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s a topic you’re already passionate about or if it’s something you think others will be interested in.

Find an article. Allow your eyes to fall on the words. Innate curiosity will let the real work happen. And soon, the ingredients of balsamic vinegar will reveal themselves, the mechanisms behind a pick-and-roll basketball play will no longer be a mystery or the wrangling behind how Paul McCartney, Kanye West and Rhianna got together to lay a track will be ready for retelling.

Having something to share is like pushing off the top of a waterslide. The information will gush out, propelling even the shiest of individuals to want to speak up.

And that information will reflect on the storyteller. More often than not, the message everyone around them will get is hey, this guy or gal is interesting.

***

Angel Abcede is a writer for a business trade publication and the president of the Chicago Chapter of Asians & Friends, a social organization supporting gay, Asian men and those interested in Asian cultures.

Further Defining Our Blog

After some social-media consultation, I am moving to reinvent this blog, Gay Yakuza, and at the same time, create a related blog called GAM Express. The reason is that apparently, the most successful blogs have found internal niches--even niches within niches--and as a result, captured a valuable, albeit specialized audience.

The purpose of Gay Yakuza has been one of networking on a professional level as well as finding reasons to create a GAM brotherhood. But because I was muddy about its purpose, it never focused on that task. Going forward, you will see articles, essays and short insights on how to network, mostly on a professional level, but also to a degree, on a social level.

GAM Express will launch soon and will focus on interesting ways gay, Asian males express themselves, with ideas ranging from drag to costumes to art to home styling to politics. It will tap into how GAMs are defining themselves outside of their professional lives and how they communicate who they are inside to the outer world.

Both blogs will start in these newly defined paths in the coming days, so watch out and more importantly, tune in!

Asians & Friends Chicago Wins Prize in Pride Parade

A collection of different ethnicities and takes on a silver and gold theme helped Asians & Friends Chicago win "Best Organization" in the 2014 Chicago Gay Pride Parade held on June 29. The parade included members from Thai, Filipino and Laotian backgrounds and came together from a diverse group of coordinators who speak the native languages. Each group did a different take on the silver and gold theme, with the end result being a "community" of ethnicities.

 

A Yakuza Criteria

While Gay Yakuza is not meant to be exclusive, it is only valuable if readers and active participants meet a certain criteria. That criteria will grow and even evolve, but to establish a base line that will be attractive to potential underwriters and sponsors, we've got to start somewhere. Here's an initial proposal:

 

1. Openly gay Asian males

2. Openly gay males of any ethnicity who are partnered with or have dated Asian males or openly find them physically attractive

2. Are gainfully employed or have a consistent source of income

3. Have a household income of over $60,000

4. Can communicate in English

5. Have opinions and tastes about numerous topics inclusive of the arts, politics, society, sports or community

6. Have "influence" over others in terms of their ability to gather people together, have their opinions published for a significant audience, have a high profile position, provide advice to others or are a recognized contributor to the community

7. Complete an annual application and survey to assess its membership

 

 

Yes, these stipulations may seem constrictive, but it's important for this blog to attract the kind of readership that can turn into tangible dollars. Any feedback would be appreciated.

The Concept of Influencers

 

While the goal of this blog is to help develop the networking capabilities of gay, Asian men, one of its perks is access to a growing network of influential individuals. I say growing because the network doesn't exist yet. But it will if you help build it. Let's put it this way, you help build it, you'll have access to it.

 

And while building such a network sounds like a daunting task, many believe it's not a matter of getting thousands of members. Far fewer. The idea, as documented by this pyramid above, is to gather a small number of the right individuals.

 

Who are these individuals? Before we discuss that, think about how most people make big decisions. Rather than go about the research themselves, they ask a trusted advisor, a friend, relative or coworker. That "laziness" is a characteristic in a vast majority of shoppers.

 

A level above that lazy group is a much smaller bunch of knowledgeable advisors (the in-the-know friends, relatives and coworkers). Let's call them "prosumers," where they are interested in testing things out, discovering what's good and bad and living on that "bleeding edge." In this chart above, they're 7% of the population.

 

Then there's the 1% who advise or "influence" those prosumers. Let's call them "influencers." They're magazine writers, bloggers, journalists who actively investigate and compare goods. They help guide prosumers who actively seek their direction and advice.

 

Gay Yakuza can serve a purpose in gathering influencers and prosumers among the gay, Asian male community.

 

Why only GAMs (or mostly GAMs)?

 

Esteem-building reasons aside, its all about generating empathy and creating solid, niche groups. By creating defined, niche groups, we can eventually solicit underwriting for our activities. Think of niches like suburban chicken farmers, soccer moms or celebrity cat lovers. These niches define themselves by common interest, aspirations and motivations--all of which are important insights to manufacturers and service providers.

 

Stick with me here. If we first of all, agree to create this group, we could develop a set of lifestyle mantras that can pique the interest of manufacturers and service providers. If we can convince them we're influencers or have access to them, we can convince them to underwrite us.

 

For instance, say we found 10 like-minded GAMs who have a history of gathering others for parties, fundraisers, business ventures, picnics, whatever. We meet in an online conversation and agree that impeccable style is one of our common traits. We could find a retailer (online or brick-and-mortar) that our missions overlap. Maybe it's a Nordstrom's. Maybe it's Amazon.com. So it would make perfect sense for them to underwrite any activity we choose to take part in--be it a national conference or an online webisode. If we budgeted right, I'm sure we could immediately secure a $50,000 underwriter.

 

Think about it.

Superhero 2014

 

As with any opportunity to communicate ideas from a unique perspective, not only does the voice have to be meaningful, but it also has to develop and audience. That means getting the word out that this viewpoint--the Gay Yakuza blog and its objectives--exists, that it's consistent and that it provides relevant information and insight.

 

That will be the commitment of its founder, Angel Abcede, a Chicago journalist committed to the gay Asian male perspective. Along with GAM-TV and its efforts on www.gamTVusa.com , as well as similar locations on Facebook and YouTube, the former Gay Chicago magazine columnist will make every effort to serve the GAM community by helping the networking process, to identify and forward pertinent goals and to build esteem among its members. Look to 2014 to be a significant year, with our progress mapped and celebrated here at Gay Yakuza and GAM-TV.